Doubtful Days

     We all have them, those days when doubt has crept into your mind and set up camp. Are my dreams and plans ever going to be fulfilled? Are they even what I should be working towards? Am I aligned with God's will for my life? Why am I being bombarded with trial after trial? Are you angry with me God? How will I ever get out of this mess? What do You want me to do? Get another job? Go back to school? End my marriage and send my spouse packing to lesson my troubles? Or will that only cause more? Only yesterday I was so sure that I knew the path to take. Only yesterday, I felt Your assurance, in spite of the difficulties. Suddenly, I'm stuck in the sludge and trudging through this day under a dark cloud.
    God whispers that I am on the right path, but I look over the edge at the dizzying heights, the rocks below, the storm clouds on the horizon, and other people who are following different paths. I can't see what's around the bend, and the climb is steep. There are fallen logs on the path. All these obstacles seem daunting. I want to sit down. I want to turn back. I look behind me, and I seem to be alone. Down the mountain, the bridge that I crossed to get this far has been burned. I can't go back. I seem to be between a rock and a hard place. In order to get to the paths that others are on, I would have to make it across that burned bridge, or go off the path and climb through the forest to find a different path, or continue in along the path I'm on, climb over the logs, and up the hill and beyond where I can see.
     "Trust Me," the Lord whispers. I keep going. I know where I've been, and I really don't want to go back. I look up at the cloud that looms over me. I tell myself it's just a cloud. The sun will shine again, then the way won't seem so ominous. I will get to the top, then I will be able to walk down hill for awhile. Maybe their will be a place for me to sit and enjoy the view before I head down. There is always the possibility that God will tell me to take another path, but there is no other path for now. I keep walking.

Lori Vidak 6-2-14